Recently I was scrolling on Threads, minding my business, and chuckling to myself at the general foolery on the app when one post stopped me and my thumb mid swipe. A woman said that she started asking men on dating apps for their favorite animal and why. “I remember learning somewhere the answer to that is actually their subconscious description of an ideal partner,” she wrote. She then proceeded to reveal her findings and naturally this urged others to partake in the task and share, too.
Many women found that this little experiment yields accurate results—”My husband said cats because "they're self-contained and get shit done. "I'm a Project Manager by profession. 😂”—while others had more humbling, though cheeky, moments. “Just asked my husband. He said, “My favorite is a silver back gorilla, because they’re big and hairy and assert their dominance.” I WANT TO GO HOME THIS ISNT FUN ANYMORE 😭”.
It’s a seemingly harmless little thing on the internet, right? But it also feels like at least once a quarter a new trend to test a boyfriend or husband’s devotion, interest, and commitment pops up. There was the “name a woman” trend, where women asked their partners to name the first lady who came to mind. Obviously, his only right answer should be his significant other. And if not, off with his head in the town square! Then there was the “orange peel test,” which implied if your man happily did the simple micro-gesture of peeling the citrus fruit for you, then he’s a good man, Savannah. Then came the bird theory, a science-backed concept that suggests if your partner gives you a positive response to your mundane mention of seeing a bird, then he actually loves you. And on and on and on. It all just begs the question: Why are we so obsessed with testing our partners?
On one hand, these are fun and light and silly. Sometimes, and for some people, that’s truly all it is and it’s really not that deep, and I respect that. On the other hand, though, why are we giving out assessments? I, for one, am no professor. So why do the girls have a semester’s worth of exams to determine the health and happiness of a romantic relationship? These can’t be the end-all-be-all measuring sticks to do so; there are many more significant metrics to throw your partner up against to see how they fare and if they’re right for you. What are we trying to prove by giving these performative tests out?
